Though you might think that being engaged multiple times is just something dudes on Bachelor in Paradise do (we’re looking at you Josh Murray and Evan Bass), it happens IRL, too, says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?
While finding out that your S.O. has actually popped the question to someone else in the past isn’t fun, it might not be a red flag, says Durvasula.
It really just depends on how the engagement and subsequent breakup went down, she says. “He may have had the good sense to get out of that relationship because it wasn’t working.”
There are certain situations where a previous engagement isn’t such a BFD, like if he got engaged when he was young, proposed due to family pressure, or acknowledges that rushing into an engagement wasn’t the best move, says Durvasula. An engagement breakup is really just a regular breakup with higher stakes (an impending wedding), she says.